Dropping The Ego -
Easier Said Than Done
The one thing that's caused me the most pain/harm/heartache in my life has been: MY EGO!
Not knowing our ass from third base is an inevitable invitation to problems, but perhaps the maximum injury is caused by the inability to see beyond our own point of view.
When I think of it, most of the time, I’m stuck in my head. You may ask, "what exactly it means to be stuck in the head?’' It's living life essentially via the thoughts residing in the head! It’s obsessing about a decision or an event or just about anything and everything. It's being confused or feeling that I don't have enough choices. Or, being so angry, resentful, or scared that failing to notice the goodness, abundance, love that I'm blessed with. It’s knowing that I’m lucky and have a lot to be grateful for, but just not being able to feel it. It's either fantasizing about the past or fretting about the future. It’s about jumping from one thought to another, living amidst non-stop bickering of mind, and just not being present in the present!
Do you feel me? Am I making sense to you? Are you also living in your head?
As it happens, most of us are!
The thing is, we're so consumed by the constant chatter in our head that our mind starts to overwork and our ego starts to grow and begin to take control of our life and our thoughts. A genius trickster, the ego, disguises self-hatred as self-love, loves to play blame games, looks for excuses to flash the victim card, and revels in self-pity. It's a ghastly monster, keeping its existence carefully under wraps, and 'us' under its mercy. And because this illusory self is a seductive fantasy, we willfully succumb to our ego. We let it hold the reins of our lives without any resistance. The beast hides in the last place we will ever look into - within itself, masquerading as our thoughts and feelings!
The paradox of it all is that though our ego seems like a confidence booster, it does more harm than good.
When we desire to be perceived as the smartest boss, the beloved mom, the best negotiator, the kindest woman, the funniest guy, the original creator ... fill in the blanks ...we allow our ego to take over. By wanting to keep our illusory-self happy, not only do we place hope on an impossible goal but also bring upon ourselves inexplicable grief. Everything becomes about “me, mine, myself!” Where does all this eventually lead to? Heartaches and heartbreaks!
So how do we keep this toxic ego and selfishness at bay? How do we prevent ego from “sucking us down like the fierce force of gravity?” The primary answer is simple: awareness. But after that, it’s a matter of hard work. We can start by recognizing, where our mind goes naturally, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, thought by thought and consciously steer our attention's source from the ego to the heart. But, that's not easy because our heart speaks in whispers compared to the loud thunder of our ego. So how to get into the heart zone, stop the thoughts, and feel whole again?
The most powerful tool to learn to let go of our egos to make life easier is to practice forgiveness. We have to learn to forgive the people who hurt us and most importantly we have to learn to forgive ourselves. Accept, let go and keep moving forward. Forgiveness opens the windows to the soul and removes the negativity to allow room for new happiness.
The most important sentence I’ve ever heard, and I’m sure you’ve heard it too, is: “The truth will set you free.” Suppressing our emotions can develop depression and anxiety. Always seek the truth. Honesty provides us unconditional freedom to be connected with ourselves instead of trying to be something that we’re not. We need to learn to say no to the things that don’t add value to our lives and embrace the ones that do with open arms.
We are not our egos, we are not our jobs, we are not our material possessions, and we are not our achievements. Once we let our ego control our life, we can never be happy or relaxed because as soon as we lose one of the things that we identify with, the rest fall like dominos, and our happiness evaporates in a puff! We need to release these fears. Take risks. Build trust in life. Love freely. Explore unabashedly. Do things that make us happy.
It’s difficult to find anyone that’s immune to the happiness of a child’s smile, the innocence of a child’s mind, or the freedom of their honesty. It’s liberating to see kids completely immersed in pursuits they’re passionate about. Freedom of losing oneself is something a lot of people avoid once they reach adulthood, and I think the main reason to protect themselves from being vulnerable is to avoid getting hurt. When in retrospect this is more a sign of weakness than strength. Driven by the same innocence/naivety of a child we can clear our minds and remove the fear and doubt that we have as a result of self-imposed limitations. If we grow and expand our awareness, we will not be scared of failure.
Surely this is the beauty of life. The endless journey of different experiences, feelings, mistakes, and lessons.
As human beings, we all want to contribute to something bigger than just ourselves. Doing something nice for others is like a salve that soothes angst and dissolves the ego. When we do good deeds frequently, we actually start to experience a “helper’s high.” Performing a selfless act of love every day, and enjoying giving without the expectation to receive is a beautiful way to remind ourselves how good it feels to do even small acts of goodness.
"It's not happy people who are thankful; it's thankful people who are happy."
We should spare 5 minutes every day to think about all the people, experiences, lessons, and mistakes we are thankful for. Grateful people feel more love and compassion and feel more alive than those who don't. When consumed with negative thoughts, gratitude helps to expand our attention beyond what's wrong, or who’s wronged us. Appreciating everything and everyone helps us discover true beauty in our life.
Learning to let go of our ego is very easy in theory, however, can be very difficult to execute. I myself am struggling hard and have to constantly remind myself — I have nothing to lose here, but a whole life to win.
Each day is a battle. Some days I win, on some, I lose but I refuse to give up because even though the realization has dawned a little late in life but it’s slowly sinking in -
“When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, and beautiful.”
— Yogi Bhajan
We are nothing but a teeny-weeny drop in the sands of time.
