Reclaiming The Self

In the heart of the Himalayas where time stands still
I find myself in a humble room, stripped of life's luxuries
Here the air whispers ancient hymns and prayers
And the floor lies hard, cold and bare
I see the mice scurry seeking refuge in ancient stones
Spiders weave silent webs of wisdom
Lizards watch with intent eyes
Centipedes unearth the secrets buried deep 
I don't squirm, nor do I scream in fear
Rather I am humbled by their quiet acceptance
Me, an intruding outsider
No comforts of the world accompany me here
No gentle bed to cradle my weary form
No soft luminescence to assuage the darkness
No hot water to soothe the unforgiving aches
Removed from all indulgence I lay
Watching embers of the inner fire glow
Fanned by an unflagging will
Buckets of icy water stand like sentinels
Lined against the dilapidated washroom walls
Poised to cascade over my head
Each drop, a test of my resolve
Each shiver, a reminder
This journey is not for the faint-hearted
With every cold splash, I am cleansed
Not just in body but in soul
Purifying the layers of my being
Drawing me closer
To the essence of who I am
Nights stretch long and deep
Punctuated by the tintinnabulations of temple bells
Their chime drifts across the dark silence
Refusing to let me succumb to sleep
My heart longs to meet the Divine
All trepidations I put to rest
I eat, I chant, I breathe
Sinking deeper into my inner sanctum
The hours meld on rosary beads
As japa flows - a river of divine syllables
Absolving all that is 'me'
Dissolving the ego's boundaries
I am no longer merely a woman
Defined by the roles I've played
But a soul laid bare
Awakened by the breath of the Divine
What is hardship but a fleeting shadow
A mist clearing in the light of the inner Sun
In the harshness, I find Grace
In the cold, unexpected warmth
In solitude, a deep connection
In silence, I hear His voice
Oh Universe, how generous you are
To strip me of all that is unnecessary
To lead me to this sacred space
Where I am both nothing and everything
Humbled and grateful
I stand transformed
In these primitive conditions
I discover not just a way to survive
But a way to truly live
I experience the happiness in just being
In the heart of the Himalayas
I am reborn.

This poem sketches my 24-day transformative journey in the Himalayas, where, immersed in intense sadhana, I was meditating (doing japa) for 12-15 hours a day in a small, secluded room, braving all hardships with unwavering resolve.